The first series of Sailor Moon introduces the young girl around whom the universe revolves, and her four-girl gang. Enemies from the ancient past (who screwed things up when the girls really had it sweet) reappear to make the world a bad place or something. After s-l-o-w-l-y but surely knocking off four of Queen Beryl's generals (who were apparently the boyfriends of the lesser Scouts in the manga, but who's keeping score?) the girls have to fight the bony-shouldered Queen herself. But not before our heroine's boyfriend executes the worst heel-turn this side of Sting! Can they persevere? Does the existence of the other 5 seasons kinda give it away?

Well, let the run-on sentences abound!

These ten episodes ease us into the icy-cold waters of the Sailor Moon universe. Moon, Mercury, and Mars are introduced, fighting villains they know nothing about. Jedeite is basically a guy with a vaguely fascist uniform and short blonde hair. There's really nothing else to say about him. Inane villains aside, this starts slow when it's just Serena and picks up a bit when she starts picking up henchwomen. The first episode I ever saw, "Nightmare in Dreamland," is one of the best and probably the only reason I sat through the series long enough to catch the other odd highlights. These eps were dubbed before Dic had a deal with Cartoon Network, and were intended for syndication. Apparently, quite a few episodes were cut out so the "highlights" would be every fifth episode and therefore air on Friday. So if you think the series tends to drag with useless "Monster of the Day" episodes…it was even worse!

After Jedeite's unfortunate run in with a quarter-dozen jumbo jets, GQ Man About Town Nephlyte jaunts his way into our hearts. Hip Hollywood type that he is, Nephylte's into weird celestial religions and probably yoga and crap. Cruising the streets in his ultra-cool Ferrari, loaded down with evil tennis rackets and doll-making supplies, Nephlyte is truly a Jack of all Trades. And he has to be, as his plans tend to involve finding one inspired athlete or artist, and turning them to evil. This tends to focus these episodes heavily on one-shot characters we'll never have a chance to care about, but fortunately, most of them are freakish enough to be fun for 23 ½ minutes. Nephlyte ends up having a surprising amount of character development and growth (by Sailor Moon's standards, at least,) and meets what is probably the most interesting end of any villain in the series. Don't worry, no SPOYLARZZZ from me, but rest assured he will work a way into your heart (or at least Molly's.)

Act IV is traditionally known as "falling action," though the "interest" created by Tuxedo Mask's OMG HEEL turn makes these episodes more than just filler to make us wait for a Moon/Beryl showdown. Well, it would, if Malachite's wacky mismatched partner Darien wasn't such a crappy villain. They're like Angle and Benoit, only neither is bald. Surprisingly relaxed for someone whose girl/boyfriend just got nuked, Malachite comes no closer to being a stand-alone villain here than he did backing-up the aforementioned Zoicite. A few of his plans are pretty good though, and he comes close to getting our heroines several times. But then Tuxevil Mask invariably shows up to "help," and the best laid plans of mice and Malachite end up gang awry or whatever. Technically, Malachite is the most powerful of the Generals, and could have taken Zoicite or Nephlyte in a fight (Jediete would have fled crying before it even got underway,) but don't expect to see him hang around any longer after his monsters of the day get dispatched than the rules dictate he can. Wouldn't wanna sully his nifty Mickey Mouse gloves fighting schoolgirls directly, now would he? Patience kids, at this point we're almost done…

Ugh...when I started this "Five Act Structure" deal, I was under the impression there were a few episodes between Malachite's encounter with the purple boomerang of doom and Moon's meeting with Beryl, but there aren't. This "act" is one episode, and it's one I won't get a chance to recap for awhile. Sorry. If anyone can't bear to wait though....SPOILERS AHEAD OMG TURN BACK NOW...good wins.

Zoicite may be everybody's favorite gender-bending Nephlyte-slayer, but she never gets to show off any aptitude in stealing human energy. Her run is dominated by the three-way battle for the seven Rainbow Crystals, artifacts of immense power that the Negaverse, the Sailor Scouts, and a self-serving Tuxedo Mask all want to get their filthy little hands on. Whoever gathers all seven gets to summon the Eternal Dragon or blend the crystals into Octarine or send away for a secret decorder ring or something. But she outperforms her foes admirably, and up until the final showdown, her evil laugh, Pokemonesque tendency to scream "ZOI!" for no reason and trademark sinister rose petal attack make her a formidable foe for the Feckless Five. Oh yeah, there's five by the end of this act. And lest we forget: five-act structure calls for the dramatic climax to occur at the end of Act III...you didn't think I was just blowin' smoke, did ya?