Preview: Only the Sailor Scouts can stop evil (so don’t even try!) Or can they? Or are they only ones who can’t? Or are they only a few amongst many who can? My head hurts.

The Show: Some bum is sleeping on the temple steps. Grandpa is too busy flashing-back on the roof to notice. Whoa…Zoicite attacks immediately and tries to suck out the crystal in his chest…where’s my scene of her being chewed-out!? Grandpa fights back with his spiritual powers ( cause he doesn’t belong to some fakey Caucasian religion like that Chicken Boxer Priest.) Zoicite blasts him right off the roof. Raye’s crows attack Zoicite and scare her off, making them collectively more powerful than the Sailor Scouts. Raye assumes Gramps just fell off on his own (she’s thinkin’ “sake,”) and is alarmed when the sleeping bum wakes. She tells him to get lost, as it’s late (sanctuary is offered from 9 AM to 5 PM, weekdays only,) but the bum (Chad) falls in love with her in exceptionally goofy fashion. He fills them in on his rock star status, begs to stay, they stare blankly, and we cut to the Negaverse. Zoicite looks at an image of Grandpa. OH, HE’S A CRYSTAL CARRIER! We’re back to Raye and her motley crew. The Scouts want her to send Gramps to a hospital (read: the Home.) Gramps proves he’s perfectly fine by swinging around on vines in a cape, screaming his tiny head off. Chad, who is apparently Gramp’s pupil, swings around not so much like Tarzan and more like George of the Jungle. Gramps goes into “crazy sensei from an old Jackie Chan movie” mode. Raye objects not so much to Gramp’s cruelty as to his wardrobe before coming to the sensible conclusion that Chad is “toasted.” Raye asks Gramps what he’s doing in a subdued fashion (for her) and he starts bawling about how he needs to teach someone the ways of the temple. Chad, overcome by his sensei’s sudden despair, rings the temple bell and wishes for happiness. The bell pours water on him, as Grandpa had rigged it for a practical joke. Gramps immediately switches from crying to laughing and insane dancing. He has so, so clearly lost his mind. Serena gives him mad props, pissing off Raye that much more. Chad tries to interject, Raye bites off various people’s heads, and Gramps wants to go flying. Raye nudges Serena slightly, knocking her on her butt and giving the men folk a free show. Lita and Amy (who are here, by the way,) object. Amy uses the word “brat,” but we know what she meant. Chad wants to talk, but Raye says no. We cut to…um…Chad talking to Raye as she amuses herself destroying plants. Chad and Raye share a tinkly-music moment about how he wants to train at the temple to improve his confidence, overcome his stage fright, maybe improve his golf score. Raye delicately speculates that Grandpa may, in fact, be completely and utterly insane. Serena and Luna have been watching from the foliage. Serena decides to use the Lunar Disguise Pen to become…an old-man with glasses. Apparently she’s a fortuneteller. She uses what appears to be some kinda Chechnyan accent, throws sticks around, then demands immediate “kissy-face” while she watches. Raye ushers Chad a short distance away, then returns to chew out “Serena,” proving that she’s the smartest person in the universe. Back at Serena’s place, Serena worries. Luna eats chocolate. A plan is hatched. Commercials ensue.

We’re back with Chad swinging around in the middle of the night. His thoughts of Raye get dubbed into her being present. Ah, a true George of the Jungle. Even the crows laugh at him. They fail, however, to offer Raye any advice on her what to do about her Grandpa (she actually asks the crows, who are bigger than her head.) Gramps prays for strength with which to fight Zoicite (and some more cool prank ideas) when Zoicite appears, on cue. Zoicite doesn’t ring the bell, so his plans are ruined. Raye senses Negavibes, interrupting her bath in Midoori. Zoicite finally overpowers the old man with magical rose petals. He screams, a lot. Tuxedo Mask hits the crystal with a rose, making no effort to help Grandpa, but he at least pretends to care when the old man turns into a sort of red gremliny thing. Zoicite nabs the crystal, but Tuxie gives chase. Tux: “Don’t you ever stay to fight your own battles, Zoicite?” Zoicite: “Why should I?” Well, she makes a good point. Chad picks the wrong moment to visit the courtyard, and becomes the Gremlin’s new target. “I want my Mommy!” Ha ha, Tuxedo Mask runs like a girl, but apparently not as fast as one. Chalk another one up, for the bad guys! Chad plows right into the bathroom as Raye is still toweling off. Perversity ensues (rest assured, we don’t see anything.) He actually tries to tell his under aged girlfriend to attack the monster! Quick dressing is a distinct advantage of the robe as a wardrobe. At any rate, Chad manages to knock himself out as we go to break.

Ok, Chad is back! Now he gets to make a big show (AHAHAHAHA CHOKESLAM) of defending Raye before getting KOed. Hey, when two guys’ heads collide, I wanna see two guys go down! The monster is still up though, despite Raye’s eye-wobbling. She checks in with the sacred fire, who tells us it’s her “Grand-burrer” or something. Kinda sounds like Grandpa sucking air in as he talks. She tries to get him to recognize her, but screws up by being nice to him. He…chases her around, destroys stuff, etc. Serena arrives (w/chocolates) and transforms. Funny…she was holding the chocolates when she started and when she’s done, but we don’t see them in the transformation sequence… Curious. Raye looks…nonplussed by the chocolates. Maybe Serena can re-offer them after returning Gramps to “normal.” Moon tries to dice him up with her tiara, but Raye convinces her to let Gramps live. They run, because despite having used the tiara all of once since getting her new healing power, it never occurs to anyone to cut to the chase. Well, they do cut to the chase, it’s just them being chased. Anyway, Raye decides to go for the Stunner (her anti-ghost sticker,) and that’s enough to set up the Healing Escalator thing. Lita and Amy meet on the way to apologize to Raye (at like 2 AM.) Lita knows that while they can’t do anything about Grandpa, it will help that they’re there for Raye to count on. “Yes Raye, we will continue to exist as Gramps goes insane.” Now we cut to Serena, Raye, and her posse eating chocolate and trying not to talk about the monster. Chad does a shitty job, asking if he can learn Grandpa’s transformation technique (it would rock at his stage show.) Raye “had a vision” of all the stuff Chad already told her, and spontaneously kisses Chad on the cheek. She then immediately tells Serena to stop trying to fix them up. Screams of joy, anger, and general madness ensue. Amy and Lita arrive just in time to remind us they’re tertiary Scouts, but forget that whole “let’s show our love and support” thing.

Sailor Sez: Senility can be fun! “Don’t miss out on everything older people have to offer!” Like money!

Thoughts and reflections: Raye episodes almost always rule, and this is no exception. We already saw Gramps way back in episode seven, though that ep had the more important function of introducing Raye. But now we see Gramps at his finest. A classic example of anime’s beloved “serene old man on the surface, raging perv beneath” character, Gramps keeps his perversion in check just enough to be amusing instead of horrifying. In this particular episode, Gramps is extra crazy. Consider that in a later episode he runs a sort of pro-wrestling school, but today, he’s extra crazy. This episode also introduces Chad, a more transparent stoner than Shaggy ever was. He literally shows up once every other season, but is still as close to a permanent boyfriend as any scout other than Serena ever gets.

Line of the Ep:
Blah blah blah blah ROCK STAR!
Other Gooduns:
Gramps: "Use your fear!"
Gramps: "Get up! We’re not finished!"
Raye: "Ever since you fell off the roof you’ve been acting like a granola bar!"
Gramps: "Who wants to go flying?"
Luna: "Your Mom brought those in specially for us!"
Chad: "I gotta work on headbutts!"