The Show: You can probably guess for yourself as to how this one opens. You get two guesses, and neither counts unless it’s “Beryl chews out Zoicite.” Serena and Luna must be looking for Old Man Baxter…they’re at the park, where Serena lives in denial of Tuxedo Mask’s crystal-nabbing hidden agenda. Molly shows up outta nowhere so they can go to…an art gallery? Leaving the Crystal Wand of Awesome Power and Stuff lying around in the woods, Serena meets Molly and Melvin at some crappy pop-art show. Apparently, like all other products for sale in Japan, buying one of these paintings guarantees that your romantic dreams come true. The artist, Loni Leni, appears incognito to gauge public reaction (you know, of middle school kids.) She has to be incognito (using her real name, Peggy Jones) cause she has brown hair and glasses and is therefore TOO HIDEOUS TO BEHOLD. Darien happens to notice one of several pictures pulled right out of his boring Taj Mahal dream, and Peggy just happens to notice how much Darien resembles the guy in her paintings. Serena notices that she hates Darien, and that he’s talking with a girl who is in no way, shape or form his girlfriend Raye. Molly torments Melvin by suggesting his romantic dreams will come true, as Peggy asks for a ticket to Darien’s gun show. Serena arrives just in time for an invite. Co-ed posing baby! Both come to Peggy’s place and do their best impression of the Ginyu Force. Darien acts all pissy. Serena notices that the paintings in Peggy’s place are…well…Loni Leni’s. She explains the less than fascinating story of how she happened to be under an assumed name when she hit it big. Sorta like Marshall Tucker, but with fewer flutes. Serena thinks it totally isn’t cool that people only think they know her. Now Darien tries to leave, cause he wants to cruise for middle school girls, but Peggy convinces him to sit around drinking (cocoa.) Serena alternates between considering that Darien is cute, that Raye’s gonna tear her face off, and the concept of negative zero. Darien notices how pretty the black at the roots of Serena’s hairs are. Meanwhile, Luna lugs the Crescent Moon Wand around in exciting non-action. Then…painting occurs. Serena wanders around, and keeps harping on how Peggy’s life is a lie because of her assumed name. Somehow this leads to a Darien “Love Sucks” diatribe. Serena shows him a particularly sappy painting, and he spits up. The painting tells the story of some familiar-looking dink giving some familiar-looking chick a familiar-looking locket. Darien delivers another trademark “weak-ass zinger.” Commercials.

Dinner was fab, apparently. Serena and Peggy walk around and discuss eating pie. Serena declares that Peggy could never paint beautifully unless she was beautiful inside and out. Inner beauty is good, but ugly people just can’t paint. Peggy is sufficiently disturbed by this comment to later see Serena’s taunting face in her own reflection. Now Luna finally finds Serena, and tosses her the Wand. “You got another one?” Luna chews her out, which sets Serena to running. The low-gas light goes off on the wand, sending Serena a-runnin’ faster. Zoicite quick-zaps Peggy into some winged art monster named Vena. Serena sees this, and calls the Scouts. I mean that literally, as Jupiter at least was sitting around already transformed. Zoicite and Vena run to a construction site for absolutely NO REASON. Moon confronts them, as Vena draws rocks over her head that become real and fall towards our hero. Zoicite encourages her to hurry up and finish it before the other Scouts arrive, making her the smartest villain ever. But talk is cheap, as Cape Boy arrives to chase after Zoicite’s crystal. Lacking the discipline to finish it quickly on her own, Vena wastes time drawing snakes and things. The other Scouts arrive for additional rock-dodging. Merc lays down some bubbles. Moon leaves Vena to her henchwomen, and goes after the crystal. Tuxie and Zoicite duel as only they can: with Tuxie’s stick and Zoicite’s evil flower petals. A particularly strong petal blast makes Tuxie cry like a girl. Zoicite now produces a strikingly blade-shaped crystal as Moon gasps her way into the scene. Commercial sign.

Zoicite tosses her knife crystal, and Moon picks it off in mid-air with her tiara. Aha…the inspiration for that scene in Last Boy Scout. Anyway, Moon goes to Tuxedo Mask, and accidentally drops her locket. She offers to return it to Tuxie, but he figures he’d probably lose it anyway. She asks for his Rainbow Crystal, and he tells her for her birthday. Actually, he says he’s collecting them for himself, and will eventually come for the one the Scouts have! He departs, leaving Moon to wonder. He’s cold…almost like Darien…but she figures he couldn’t be Darien. Which is ironic and impactful because it IS Darien…FEEL THE DRAMA! Anyway, the other Scouts have no ability to restore Peggy to normal, so they’ve just been burning and electrocuting her this whole time. Vena is clearly near death. Moon arrives just in time to save the tortured artist (haha I kill me) from the over-zealous butt-kicking of love and justice. Later, Serena and Darien stop by Peggy’s for a visit, and learn that Peggy plans to reveal her true self to her audience. The episode ends before we learn that this move kills her career and forces her to make a living drawing caricatures at the local amusement park.

Sailor Sez: Don’t live up to other people’s expectations.

Thoughts and reflections: Not the episode to watch if you’re looking for action and thrills, but then, this isn’t the show for that either. This may be the dullest Rainbow Crystal episode, but it still has some funny moments. Loni’s first proposal of a group posing session can easily be twisted into something inappropriate. Her paintings are sappy enough to bring a smile to the jaded as well. But my favorite part of this episode has to be the scene where Serena comes back to heal Vena after having left her with the other Scouts. The girls have had no choice but to pelt her with enough lightening and fire (and bubbles, I suppose) to subdue her, hopefully without killing her, while waiting for Serena to come back and use the Crescent Moon Wand. That scene always makes me picture the girls debating if one or two more kicks to the ribs will be enough, or if weapons need to get involved. She could be playing possum; you can never be too sure…

Line of the Ep:
You guys up for some posin'?
Other Gooduns:
Melvin: "Cheery bye, Serena!"
Serena: "Quiet, I’m posing."
Serena: "I don’t even draw stick-people that well."
Serena: "Don’t have a cow!" Darien: Yeah, but only for them.